i know enough now to know this beautiful place isnt everything they say...

everyday that goes by is freaking me out more and more. i just have this constant little voice im my head reminding me every five seconds 'you dont know what you want to do. you dont know what you're going to do with your life. you aren't going to get a high enough TER score to get into uni. you aren't going to find a course you want to do. when you decide which course you wont make it. when you make a course you will fail it. you have no future.' on and on and on at me. all the time. although i guess you already knew it was all the time cos i said before that it was constant... but whatever.

i went to the uni open days today and yesterday. sat in a whole bunch of lecture theatres wondering when someone was going to stand up and point to me and say 'you shouldnt be here, you have no future, you have no plans. you dont belong at -insert university name here-'. waiting for someone to point out the fraud i am.

waiting for someone to say 'yes i know youre interested in teaching. but you wont pass the course. in fact you probably wont even get into it. hell, you may as well just give up now. and even if by some miracle you get in, and pass, no one will ever hire you. you wont be a good teacher anyway. in fact youre not much good at anything. are you? ARE YOU?!'