Wednesday, April 28, 2010

mmm whatcha say...mmm that you only meant well?

Photo courtesy of the Boston Globe.

This girl is Phoebe Prince.Phoebe was just like any other 15 year old girl in a new school.
You know how it is at a new school, you try to make a good impression, dress right, fit in, make some friends.

But the poor girl from Ireland, no. She was met immediately with a stream of abuse.

She was dated by one of the popular guys on the football team and this in turn lead to a constant stream of abuse from jealous teenage girls.

Not only was this poor girl in a new school, she was in a new country (America...) trying to fit in with new people and new fashions and new social circles.

And all the while she is being attacked from all sides, being called an 'Irish slut' and a 'whore' and basically informed that her death would be an 'improvement to the world'.

Teachers witnessed this constant verbal abuse and brushed it off, ignored it, working on the theory that if they ignored it it would eventually go away.

And one day, after she had a redbull can thrown as she walked home from school, it did go away.

Phoebe walked into her room, went to her closet, and hung herself.

She was found a few hours later, by her twelve year old sister.

Let me get one thing fucking straight.

Cyber bullying is a fucking problem. Cyber bullying is not cool or fun or a good fucking joke between you and your friends. Cyber bullying hurts people. Real people like you and me. Cyber bullying is not cool.

Look at her fucking picture. She is beautiful. She was, by all reports a nice, sweet girl who really tried to make friends in a new and scary place. And yet she was met by a constant stream of abuse and hatred from people who refused to even give her the time of day or get to know her.

Suicide is a fucking crime. But you know, it's not Phoebe who is going to jail. No. It's the nine other teenagers involved, all of whom have been charged as adults and will appear as an adult in court not as a juvenile. They have been charged with things ranging from statutory rape, to stalking, to abuse with a dangerous item, to hate speech.

Never ever get tricked into believing that the words you say have no affect on anyone. If you say unkind things about someone, they will take it to heart. Even if they seem to brush it off at the time, it may very well affect them. Just because one person doesn't take offence to your joking abuse doesnt mean that everyone will react in the same way...

Just because it doesn't kill them doesn't mean they are unaffected.

Just. Fucking. Don't.

This shit makes me so fucking angry.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

This Week's Challenges....

So... I saw J again tonight.

She has decided she'll be setting me a list of tasks and challenges each week to see how successful I am with each. This week's challenges are as follows...:

  1. J thinks I'm too dependent on C... (which is you know, probably true). So, for the next week, any contact is not to be initiated by me. Basically I cannot send random texts 24/7, I am not to start new emails or failmails. I can comment on his facebook, reply to wall posts, failmails, emails. I can call if it is requested. However, everything I do is to be in reply to something of his... Just for one week... (so I'll probably fail, or shoot myself... or blog more.) Lol.
  2. J thinks I'm too negative in my outlook and don't really show my love and appreciation for people often enough. So the task for this week is to say something nice, completely out of the blue, to five people whom I am not particularly close with.
  3. Attempt to read for fun (not IS) for at least half an hour each night before bed. Also, this should be started at either 9.30 or 10.00 pm so that my newly prescribed sleeping tablets should be kicking in by the time my half hour is over.
  4. Journal or blog at least once per day (so don't yell at me if I don't blog, it means I'm journalling instead :P). Because J thinks I bottle too much up that I don't get out, not even to C because I fill time with mindless crap instead. Also, she suspects that if I'm not initiating contact, contact will be less frequent which means I'll bottle up more than I already do.
  5. Try and take half an hour's time out for myself, preferably straight after school to give myself a bit of a break between school and homework. Apparently my stress levels are sky high and if I don't start taking some time out for myself I'm going to end up with high blood pressure.
So... We'll see how I go with the challenges I guess.

--insert witty and humorous ending comment here--

Thursday, April 22, 2010

You Probably Don't Think This Blog Is About You, Do You?

You walked into the room
Like you were walking onto a stage
Your clothes stood out
Your voice was loud
You had one eye in the mirror
As you watched yourself talk
And all the girls hoped that you'd let them breathe,
you'd let them breath
You'd let them breathe, and

You're so vain
You probably don't think this blog is about you
You're so vain
I'll bet you don't think this blog is about you
Do you? Do you?

You used to keep the secrets i'd weep
When it was nothing to do with gossip
Well, you said that we made such a pretty pair
But I'm a little creeped out by that
You talk, you joke, you laugh
You carry the whole conversation
You're needy, you're clingy
I just can't shake you, and

You're so vain
You probably don't think this blog is about you
You're so vain
I'll bet you don't think this blog is about you
Do you? Do you?

You're needy, you're clingy
I just can't shake you, and

You're so vain
You probably don't think this blog is about you
You're so vain
I'll bet you don't think this blog is about you
Do you? Do you?

Well, I hear you like to tell stories
About ideas that were naturally yours
Then take all the credit for them without a mention
To the one who really did it
Well, you're kinda out there
And you try too hard to be
Someone different or the wife of a close friend
Wife of a close friend, and

You're so vain
You probably don't think this blog is about you
You're so vain
I'll bet you don't think this blog is about you
Do you? Do you? Do you?

Dearest, we talked about you tonight. ♥

has no one told you she's not breathing at all anymore...

So.... she reckons my mental state was better when i was blogging and journal writing more because i was getting thoughts out of my head. so i suppose i'll be taking up blogging more regularly again...


it occurs to me that i'm really not a very interesting person. my thoughts, my words, they'll never change the world. i will never affect anyone with what i say.

how amazing would it be to be one of those people who say something and it is suddenly an important saying.

im too tired to fall asleep.

stolen from fireflies yes... but im too tired...

its been about a week now...

and yet the relief of sleep doesnt come.

she says she's going to refer me to a doctor to go on sleeping tablets permanently. cos the ones she is able to give me just make me drowsy, dont put me to sleep...

damnit i should finish this homework....

one day my brain will work.

Monday, April 19, 2010

what a mystery, what a story...

once you've been there before... you know how to make sure scars don't show...

i can't believe it................

I don't even know how to explain this level of hurt...

Kinda you know... The one lone member of this family i like and get along with.....

I guess it goes to show family can hurt you more than anyone else.

i mean god damnit. he knew it wasn't true. He knew. And yet he went ahead and said it all anyway... I dont even fucking well know how to respond to that........

Sunday, April 18, 2010

fuk uuu. uu dnt no who i am. an if u hdnt klld a incnt bby u wudnt b in dis mess.

What part of 'I haven't had an abortion' are you not getting?

Ask Me Stuff?

What do you define love as?

It's a hard question, cos there's so many ways to define love. But I guess it's like when there's just this one amazing person who means the world to you, who you'd find it almost impossible to live without. They're that one person who you would do anything for and they would do anything for you. They are where you feel safe. They are where you feel wanted. They are where you want to be. And it doesn't matter what you're doing, everything is just instantly better because they are there.And being with them, it's like nothing can hurt you too badly, because he'll just wipe your tears and find some way to cheer you up. Somehow, they're just... The most perfect person in your life. You know? Someone who you wouldn't change a thing about, even though they will undoubtably have flaws. Someone who can completely disagree with your beliefs but still support you in them anyway. Someone who may not share the same values, but is willing to uphold them anyway because it's what you want. Someone who would do anything to see you happy. Love just... is.

Ask Me Stuff?

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir ;)

Dedicated to Christie.

The girl sat on her bed, mirror in hand, her fingers running over the bags beneath her eyes, over the pimples on her nose, through the tangles in her thin scraggly hair.

Ugly. Worthless. Scum.

She glared at her stomach and poked at her thighs. Disgusted. She glanced up, just in time to see the red bubble appear above the message icon on her facebook page. '...I hope it's him...'

It wasn't who she wanted. It wasn't who she expected. It wasn't what she wanted. It wasn't what she expected.

But it was what she needed.

13 simple words from a beautiful woman of God.

'God seems to be telling me to tell you He thinks you're beautiful.'

Sunday, April 11, 2010

There's nothing romantic about death.. Grief is like the ocean, its deep and dark and bigger than all of us. And pain is like a thief in the night.

Friday, April 9, 2010

we used to be friends a long time ago...

sometimes i wonder where i stand with you. would you support me if i needed it? would you be there for me? or would you do what you did before... leave me for someone more interesting...? honestly i dont know sometimes........... i wish i could say without doubt that i could count on you.. but these days i just dont know that i can...

-sigh- i wish he'd reply :(