Tuesday, January 27, 2009

...yeah, i'm crazy...

Alright, so evidently there is something wrong with me... =S

I'm sorry for that sudden outburst. And every other sudden outburst i have had, and will have.

And I truely am sorry. But, you say that it will go away, and that it's not going to hurt this much for the rest of my life. And I know that. I do know that.

But it hasn't gone away. It's not gone, its there. And i have to wake up every day and remember that. I have to deal with that every single day. I have to deal with not only my own hurt, but also knowing that I am hurting other people as well with my actions.

I know that it will go away, but it hasn't even been two weeks yet. And yet for some reason everyone expects me to be fine.

I know that I seem different. At least a little. Happier. And guess what, i really am. And i am trying to stay that way. But that's not the product of this.

The product of this, is pain and misery to both of us.

But just because I seem happier, just because I am happier, and just because im trying to be happier, doesn't mean that everything is okay. Everything is not okay.

Nobody seems to realise (well aside from Lauren i think and branden maybe) that this is still painful for me, even if im no showing that to the whole freaking world. Guess what? I'm trying to be the strong one for once in my life. But i'm failing. And i know that I'm failing. But I have to try. I have to try and keep a brave face. Because I cannot deal with my own pain right now. I can't deal with your pain or yours and i really hope you realise that your pain is way too much for me right now... But, I will try and handle it. Because I always do. Because I am me, and that is what I do.

But it's hasn't even been two weeks. Give me time........


shootingatspiders said...

oh gosh, i do hope that all this underlining and bolding and italicising doesnt get to be a habit.
Im going to get so confused :S

And you dont have to make faces at me honey, I'd be worried if you were OK already.

PS nisetath

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