Saturday, January 17, 2009

I will not. I cannot.

I had to hurt him once. I had to be the one to break him.

And that hurt. That... there are no words to explain how much that hurt.

I had to hurt him. And it was me who had to be the one to bring him pain. And to squash as much hope as i could.

That is why I cannot go back.

Because I will not let myself do that to him again.

I will not be the one to hurt him again.

I couldn't live with myself if I brought him anymore pain.

And Winnie The Pooh's Grand Adventure sucks.

Those sweet little songs hurt too much when the guy you broke up with yesterday (still cant say the word...) is sitting right next to you, trying to discuss exactly what is going on.

Especially when you know, that every word that is coming out of your mouth is causing him pain.

And when two of your best friends sit across from you being insanely concerned about something that you had to do.

I'm sorry if that sounds offensive guys, and I do appreciate everything you've both done for me. And for him. But we needed a chance to talk this over. So if we were a little too close, its because its rather hard to have a private conversation when you have two people watching you with overly concerned looks on their faces. I love you both. But, we needed to talk it through.

I don't want to hurt him. I didn't want to hurt him in the first place. But now that that is done, I will not be the one to break him again. I cannot do that.

Leish xox

--well shes not bleeding on the ballroom floor just for the attention cos thats just ridiculously odd--


lovereigno'erme said...

No, that wasn't offensive.

And you see, we didn't know that then. We just saw him sitting close to you, and alarm bells went off for the both of us.

Same when you went outside, we had no idea what was going on.

We understand now that you were talking, but it just looked worrying from our point of view.

I mean, in our position, what would you have thought?

Anyway, lol, you've blogged a lot.

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