Sunday, February 8, 2009

i just wanted to take this moment to say...

Guess what? Just because i'm falling apart doesn't mean I'm a complete pushover. You can't just walk all over me and expect it to have no effect on my just because you can't hurt me any more deeply than my own actions and than the pain i caused the person i love the most in this entire world.

And I'm just going to out and admit it now. I'm jealous okay? That is why. Because I'm so jealous of the fact that you can have what you want more than anything in the world. And you don't even appreciate it. I can't say i really ever took that for granted... Because well, we were hardly ever together, i appreciated every moment we got. But now that i cannot have that anymore, i know that if the time ever came when i got to go back... I would never take it for granted ever again, even for a moment. Because... I love him... I need him more than the ground i walk on, more than the air i breathe. And i would give anything to be able to go back there. But you... You just have it handed to you on a platter. You don't appreciate what you have.

And I'm jealous of her too. I'm sorry. Im just being jealous today... And you really don't deserve this... but... you're going to get it anyway. Like i said, I would give anything ANYTHING to be able to go back there... But I can't. And you, had better enjoy what you can get. At least you have some promise of being able to eventually be with the person you want to be with. Can't you just appreciate that for now?

I'm sorry. I'm being a jealous mean little bitch. But... I don't think either of you realise how hard this is for me right now. Its not just some two week thing, six week thing, three month thing... No. It was almost two whole years. I'll have to go until december before we've been broken up for half the time we were dating. And to be perfectly honest, i'm not sure that i'll be over it by then. In fact, I know that i won't be. Because this isn't just some stupid little thing like so many of you thought it was. This was... Well, everything, the meaning of my life for so long. And to have that suddenly ripped away from me... Well, it hurts more than any of you will ever know. So wow, you're over it. You're over your two week relationship. You're over your six week relationship. And you? You're moving on from your three month relationship. Guess what? Good for you. Move on. If you can, thats really great for you. And i'm happy for you. I truely am.

But I cannot do that. Okay?


lovereigno'erme said...


Some how, for some reason, I have some tiny inkling that possibly some of this may some how be directly related to the somebody that is me.


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