Wednesday, February 11, 2009

he said 'nothing's more important that love'...

how long is forever? cos i thought we might last. how long is a lifetime? cos i thought we had longer.

As sad as it probably makes me sound, i'm clinging to that part of me that believes we still have a chance.

Everywhere I look, something or someone is reminding me of the importance of love. Whether it be the countless friends who are visibly falling in love, or my daily devotions deciding to tell me that there is nothing more important, or more vital than love, and of course with stupid freaking Valentines Day on Saturday, the ads and shows and popups and whatever else is enough to drive you insane when love is the one thing you're trying to live without.

i mean, i'm happy for all of the close friends who've recently gotten it together... So, noone can say that i'm not. It's more along the lines of, i miss who i was, i miss who we were and how we were... i miss being loved and i miss loving him...

Not to say that he doesnt still love me, or that i dont still love him. Its more that... we can't show that anymore. I miss feeling loved. And i miss loving. Loving him, loving others and loving life.

Because... I don't. Well, i don't love life right now at least. Other people are too hard to stop loving, but its not the same.... And if you try getting me to give up loving him... Well, i'm afraid that there is just absolutely no way in the world that that is going to happen.

And one day i will be unable to keep this up. I can feel myself failing already. I cannot last too long like this. There is no meaning to this anymore. And there is no point.

One day, I will fail. I know that in the deepest depths of my heart. One day, I will fail.


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