Friday, July 31, 2009

fuck you more

Just for the record, i started this post at lunch time but the stupid school computers decided to mess up and make me lose what i had been writing.

Just a warning to anyone reading this post: This is aimed at Queen Bee, it will be bitchy, and it might make me seem like an absolute cow. However, you need to realise that as much as I love Queen Bee, there is only so much that i can take. This is not to say i dont love you, just that youre getting to me right now and you need to shut up and listen for a second. so... here goes...

Queen Bee,

You irritate the hell out of me. I don't know if it's just me, or if everyone is annoyed by you. I mean, am i the only one? Maybe... But even if i am, does that make me unreasonable? Does that mean i have a low tolerance level? Or does that just mean you get to me?

i'd love to know what part of the word 'no' you don't understand. You always want something. Always. Money, food, water, company. You want people to comply with your wishes.

Which is not to say I always mind. Sometimes I'll be like, 'sure I have an extra couple of dollars.' But if I don't want to give you money on the same day that no one else wants to give you money, that is not an excuse to get pissed off at me, or anyone else for that matter.

Also on that topic, when someone else is hungry and has food, they generally want to eat their own food without you hovering over them saying 'can i have some? can i have some?' It's just annoying.

If you grab me and pull me and i don't want to move that isn't an excuse to just pull harder. If i say 'no' mean no. You should actually try listening to people when they say 'no' or 'i dont want to'. you might actually find people want to be around you more.

When i walk away from you because i dont want to fight, its not an invitation to just yell out 'fuck you then' or 'bitch!' because im walkign away from you because i dont want to fight. i have a right, i would have thought, not to ruin one of the best days i've had in a long time. okay?

You say to someone 'come here with me' and just expect them to follow. and yet when someone asks you to go somewhere with them, you won't go unless there is something in it for you.How exactly, is that fair?

Also, when three of us have been in a huge fight and me and the other person have taken the time out to actually talk about it, and work it out and have made up, that doesn't mean that you can just act like nothing ever happened.

I know that I ignored it at the time and have since made an attempt to get along with you in spite of it... But it actually really hurt that you don't think i'm worth talking it over with. Whereas evidently she did. Sorry if this sounds bitchy and unrelated, but right now, if i'm going to bother having this rant in the first place, i may as well do it properly. I made my peace with her. We worked our way back to the point where we can be friends. We made an effort and took the time to talk it over. And I had intended to do the same with you. But of course you see that she and i are talking, and immediately start to act like nothing had ever happened.

And you know... It actually hurt. Because I realised just how easy it was for you to go from hating someone so much that you wont talk to them, to being their best friend. And to be honest it made me wonder... it made me wonder how much i even mean to you, whether I even matter or whether it's all just a charade because... im friends with the same people as you...

i rant at you durng english for poking me. I tell you again that it annoys me, that sometimes it actually hurts when you poke me enough times in the same spot. i dont like being poked, i dont like being touched, i hate people touching my hair, or shoulders or neck, or patting me on the head. there are veeeeeeeeeery few exceptions to that rule, and you are not one of them. if i rant at you and then shut up, its not an invitation to poke me again. its a time when you should sit and listen and think 'okay, she doesnt like me poking her, i'll stop.' rather than doing it again. you then chose to make me laugh with your 'one rat, two rat, three rat, four' chant, and then just imagine that everything is fine, and that im not at all pissed off at you.

well sorry, i was.

i am.

i love you. but... please cant you just listen to me? cos im sick of being pissed off at one of my best friends.


shootingatspiders said...

human beings huh?
over rated.
and thats saying a bit...
im so over human beings...
ok, not all of them...
I'm over the extra-apparent human-ness of some.
if that makes sense...

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