i make things hard, i know i do it. I screw things up and mess things around and make erveything stupid.

And for that i am sorry.

It makes me feel so bad to know what i must put people through but... I cant ignore this anymore. i cant keep fighting so hard to be perfect and i cant keep fighting so hard to just automatically be good. because i fail so so often and then i feel worse than i did before.

To the extent where i sit at my desk and force myself to stay attatched to my chair, not moving because i dont trust myself anymore.

I did once but i dont anymore.

I dont know who i trust anymore. or what i trust or...

i dont know who wont hurt me.

i dont know who i wont hurt.

i dont know what im doing anymore.