so here we go again...

I don't understand. I really don't.


So you read a blog. One that I have written. You immediately decide to take it completely out of context and decide to post a rather unkind post about me on your blog, basically threatening me about my blog. Threatening to KILL me may I point out. Something that even if it was a joke, I could have you up on cyber bullying charges for if I was that mean.


Then proceed to inform me that you 'dearly want to help' me. Which may I point out, you have a really funny way of showing. And decide that you have done nothing wrong and it is up to me if i lose a supposedly close friend. which yeah, once you were. but hey, this is the second time this year you've jumped to ridiculous conclusions and thrown around ridiculous accusations.


And then you say 'I even tried to apologise for any wrongs she may have got into her head that i committed.' Look, i'm sorry, and i know that the rest of you probably don't want to read this. And you're all ready to scream at me and tell me i'm being unreasonable and I should just let it go. But i'm sorry. I can't do it. WHEN? WHEN did you try to apologise? And how the hell did you get it into your head that you have done NOTHING wrong?


I'm sorry ben, but you have done a lot wrong. You may have thought that you were protecting lauren. But she didnt fucking need protecting.


how am *I* the one who has done something wrong? I posted a blog because I was upset. I was stressed. I was angry. My blog is where i vent. even more so when I can't talk to charming. Because you know what? not everyone is as fucking lucky as you. Not everyone gets to see him/her most days. not everyone gets that. SOME PEOPLE have to go sometimes months at a time between seeing them. You know i saw him last week, and now I won't see him again until after exams are over? after school has ended.


but anyway, im getting off on a tangent here. what i want to know.... what i NEED to know... is how *I* am the one in the wrong? what the hell did *I* do? and how have *YOU* done *NOTHING* wrong when you are the one sprouting ridiculous accusations... when you are the one who made something out of it in the first place.


i have shit going on in my life right now that you couldn't even imagine. crap that you wouldnt even know i am dealing with because despite what you may think, while im not very good at hiding everything, i hide most things. i know some people dont like it. but... its the way i work. so that i dont weigh other people down with the crap in my life, and with worry for me that they dont need to feel.


my blog is a place where i vent a small portion of the crap going on. and what i decide to say here, i say because i trust that people will listen, and respect what i have to say... and ask questions if you need to, to understand what im on about... but i cannot tolerate people taking what i say out of context. and not only taking it out of context, throwing false accusations, and insane threats at me, when i have done absolutely nothing.

look, i am aware that just about everyone thinks that i am being a bitch... and maybe i am... i dont know. i know that as soon as i post this i am more than likely going to have every one jump down my throat and point out that you apologised in your last post....but you know, after being betrayed so many times by the same person... sometimes an 'I'm sorry' isn't really... enough. especially when it pretty much seems to me like the only reason you said it in the first place is because she is upset we are arguing... and i am sorry to her for that... but then again, its not my fault. is it?

I'm sorry im taking this so badly... and that most people would have just explained.. and it would be over with.. but... i don't even think i can trust you anymore. i think that for me... this might finally be the last straw.

also, to anyone who has been talking to me and trying to make me drop it, or sort it out, thank you. i do appreciate it... but i really need to work this out for myself... i need people to stop medling in my business and telling me what to do. i love you for it. but please, just... stop.