i just want to be with him... just for a while... is that really so much to ask...?
-4 days-
even english was fun, right up until the end. when i found out i had failed something. that was a bit of a mood dampener. and i then spent lunch thinking of different ways to kill the rockmuncher for failing me for not including a storyline summary (which she had told me not to include)
during biology my relief teacher picked up my story notebook and read the prologue and the start of the first chapter of a story im starting to write and randomly decided iu should send it to womens weekly and went on about how theyd pay me good money for it. something about a few thousand dollars while i sat there thinking 'bullshit' lol. anywho, if you want to read the prologue (and the rest of it as i write it) go here.
And yeah... Now im going to clean my room and it shall be fun :D
death is...
i dont even know how to finish that sentence...
-3 days-
you know sometimes i think i stick my foot in it a bit too much...
I mean i know i do. a lot.
I'm just... well to be honest, a little stupid.
like seriously, i don't think i think before i speak.
i just open my mouth a a whole rush of verbal diarrhoea just comes tumbling out.
Sorry, now im going to entertain you with a small little ftory of stupidity/verbal diarrhoea...
***
It was the first time she'd met his parents. She was sitting beneath a tree on a warm summers' day. He was the only person she knew, among the twenty or so other people there. She was sitting beside him around a picnic rug, passing chocolate cookies to his sister and stepmother.
Stepmother was saying something about pink fluffy handcuffs but of course she wasn't really getting the point of the conversation.
'Oh yeah,' she piped up. 'I know heaps of police officers. I could get my hands on some handcuffs if i ever needed them.'
Look around, see stepmother, him, and sister all staring at you, watching the cogs tick over in her head. Wait for the red to start creeping into cheeks...
'whoops... so anyone want another cookie?'
***
Oopsie daisy :D
-2 days-
So... I'm thinking about writing a story. But I don't know what about. I was thinking I could write one about a chick with OCD. Maybe...
Just for anyone who doesn't realise I have clearly given up my idea of continuing Tully. Because I am lazy. If i write my own story then I can develop my own characters. But if I continue Tully then I have to stick with her characters and I can't be bothered. So yes... Maybe OCD unless anyone else has any better ideas for me. I have no idea. Maybe I should just give up. All of my stories are crappy anyway.
Ideas? Thoughts? Anyone?
-2 days-
i'm never ever going to feel bad for complaining about missing you ever again.
A year and a half is a very long time...
And 12 times is less than once a month...
-cries-
-1 day-
I swear to God, today was the best most bludgiest day i've had in quite a while. Yeah, youre all thinking 'you were at school... how is that possible?'
but seriously right.
We had extended home group which consisted of eating chips out in the sun whilst pretending to study for psych so that we had an excuse if any teachers decided to yell at us which of course none did cos me and Princess are like star students who could -never- do anything wrong. of course not. *shifty eyes*
Then we had double supervised study, during which Princess and I went to the library and read Wuthering Heights. (We're both reading it at the same time lol).
And then recess. Which I don't even remember except that i sat out in the sun and it was warm and i wished i'd worn a t-shirt. (no i was not half naked... i just wasnt wearing a t-shirt under my jumper lol). I think i talked to evil witch(who happens to be one of my best friends whom i love not an actual bitch lol) and Queen Bee... maybe...? oh yeah, we were talking about saving Lisa from Queen-Abs. lol.
Anywho, then I had double biology in which Lorna, Mark and I finished two work sheets in like five minutes, went to the library and spent about ten minutes briefly researching the acvhievments of seven biologists, and then convinced our relief teacher to let us sit outside and play hang man on lorna's iPhone for the rest of the double.
Then Lunch... I dont even remember. Ancient Studies we sat and listened whilst Clark informed us of the multiple times he's almost been killed whilst travelling (this included 2 incidents with machine guns being heald to his head, another incident with a 9millimetre pistol, and yet another where he was almost killed in a 'mafia warfare' knife fight). Supposedly the penalty for playing cards on a train in certain parts of vietnam is death. have fun with that.
Anyway, Princess and I spent English talking and laughing and reading the oh so hilarious gifts given to us by mr Akele this morning. which was quite hilarious. According to this book, things like cuddling, kissing and massages are sex. Hmm... I guess we all lost our virginity the first time our mummys cuddled us after we were born. just a little disturbing fact for you to think about.
Anywho, then xs tonight which was chill, cept now i have a headache. But The K-Man enjoyed himself so thanks everyone for making him welcome lol.
I know i probably seemed like a bitch tonight. Those of you who were there are sitting there thinking 'oh its a perfectly nice seeming girl singing well enough... except for the fact that she seems to be yodelling a bit'
and yes, that is true. However.
i've known her a very long time...
very long.
she read my journals. she published details of my life in a magazine. she passed in my stories or essays as her own. she fucked with my life.
i know i sound bitter. im sure i do. but she messed with me. and i dont like her very much. she betrayed my trust in every possible way...
even though she seems like just a nice girl with a guitar and a microphone.
So i got bored right... And decided i know, I'm going to upload a photo of myself on My Heritage and see which celebrities it decided my face looks like.
You know what I find funny? I got bored so i put through a photo of Ben Feldman. And he didn't even come up as a resemblance. -laughs-
this thing is weird....
/sigh.
its kind of nice to have a relatively relaxing lesson of doing nothing.
i have finished my work and emailed it to Princess and Jac-in-a-box and now I'm bored.
so therefore i have decided to blog, but i don't really have anything worthwhile to say.
idk... I'm a bit of a loser really.
---
Anywho, steering away from my loserness...
I was thinking of writing a story. But I don't know what to write about. And besides if I start to write I'll probably just give up halfway through, or end up hating my characters, or mess up my story line.
I kind of had a story in mind anyway. But i don't really know how well it would turn out and it probably would just fail cos i can't really write and... idk...
I just fail.
---
But i think we were steering away from that so...
Hi? I'm Leisha.
I am 17 years old and I'm bored. I'm currently sitting in a Tourism class wishing I could think about something other than Charming, between Princess, Jac-in-a-box and SpaceMan wishing that this lesson would just end, that this day would just end and that my headache would just go.
You know today actually isn't that much of a bad day. Which is a surprise. I mean.. I'm in a bad mood. But over all i suppose it has actually been a reasonably okay. I'm tired of this class, and this day and I'm just in general tired. oh and there is a putrid smell in here if you know what i mean.........
But anyway...
My hairdresser thinks that I should get a darker brown temporarily put in my hair. Something about a triangle and a star or something... I really didn't understand what she meant by that. But sure.
I think Princess is as bored as I am. She's standing over my shoulder... no... sitting next to me now. And was reading over my shoulder and is eating my chocolate... So i'm assuming she is bored... And wants a nose peg as much as i do.
I'm bored.
Going now. Will probably blog again in a minute... Like as soon as i get back..
i now officially have no purpose in life...
you know up until now the only thing i've really wanted out of life is to be a good mother...
but i can see that that is not going to happen. i'm going to make an awful mother.
maybe i just wont be one.
i mean i cant even keep one bratty twelve year old child to stop screaming and crying and demanding for just an hour.
god help me if any child of mine turns out like Angel here.
but thats okay... it wont because im not having children.
because if i have children i'll just fuck them up.
i cant even keep a twelve year old brat from crying.
because she thinks that if she cries she'll get whatever she wants.
and while my parents may work that way, i dont.
so im not just going to give her whatever she wants and she cant handle that which makes her cry and scream and abuse me which in turn makes me cry.
god, im going to be the world's most awful mother...
thats it. im not having kids. not now. not ever.
...not that i intended to have kids now... but thats not the point.
im never ever having children because i will fuck them up...
what the hell am i going to do with my life now...?
--i wish i could talk to you...--
how long how long how long will we take to come undone? if you know the answer tell me now and i'll write up a calender for our coundown... cos what if what we see is all, is all we've got...?
Dear Cherry Blossoms,
You are pretty. I love you :D
Love Leish
----
Dear Warrior Essay,
Fuck you, I hate you. How dare you fuck up?
Fuck you,
Leish.
----
Dear Simone,
Happy birthday
Love Leish
----
Dear Jess,
HappyBirthday also
Love Leish
----
Dear Today,
You suck, fuck you.
Burn in hell,
Leish.
----
Dear Chocolate,
You saved my life. I love you...?
You're welcome at my place anytime,
Leish.
----
Dear Dozen Bread Rolls,
I'm not really hungry, and truth be told I'm getting sick of carrying you around. I hope everyone else enjoys eating you and taking away your short tasty lives at lunch. I can't even eat you now.
So sick of you,
Leish
----
Dear Rain,
Where did you go?
Missing you,
Leish
----
Dear School Computers,
No idea why but you have randomly decided to unblock my blog! Yay! I love you!
Love love love love love, Leish.
----
DearSpacebar,
Fuckyou,learntospace.
Thankyou!Leish
----
Dear English Orals,
You are boring and evil. I am loving the fact that im avoiding listening to you because i did you Monday.
Love Leish.
----
Dear Depressing Music on my iPod,
You are perfectly suiting my mood today.
Thanks.
Love, Leish.
----
Dear Hole,
I am ready to crawl into you and die now.
Love Leish.
i fuck everything up. i really do. just.......... ignore me... seriously... the world would be a better place without me.
That's what you said. That's what you told me.
'Hey, I was thinking of going to the year 12 drama performance Wednesday night.'
Seriously, Ben Feldman...
Doesn't everyone think he's hotter than oh... I don't know, a GOAT?
We were talking before about this guy on Australian Idol. Called Seth. And she says 'Yes, but is he as hot as a goat?'
Dunno about you babe, but I tend to go for guys over goats :P
i think i lay out a lot of rules for my self. shit loads and shit loads of rules and boundaries and crap that i get freaked out about when i mess up... i break promises to myself constantly...
i have so many little things that im very particular about. little things that annoy me, and bug me. little things that i have to do my way or else i just freak out.
i tried, once upon a time, to be a little more easy going, and not to freak out so much when things don't go according to plan... but i just cant do it.
i cant be easy going. i cant deal with the stress of leaving things incomplete, or messy or to the last minute. i cant cope with things being done a different way to the way i would have done it. it just doesnt work that way.
i cant handle it when other people step over my boundaries.
i just cant do it.
my grandmother commented today that i'm a very boring 17 year old. she's sitting there comparing my life to my cousin's when she was 17 for about an hour.
I mean, no, I don't go out every saturday night or much on the weekends... but i mean, for starters i cant afford it, and also, most of my friends work, or also cant afford it, or really, we just cant be bothered.
i mean, we are 15, 16 and 17... we cant be bothered having a life. our lives involve sitting around on our computers, or doing homework, or spending time with our families... or whatever the hell else we do. our weekends are about working and catching up on sleep or homework or reading...
besides, none of us can afford it. and where would we go? what would we do? idk...
i think we all have boring lives really. we just arent the party type really.
you know it struck me today that i have nothing to say.
like i can tell you all that im sick, and that i feel like crap and that my grandparents forgot about picking me up today. i could tell you that i slept for more than 11 hours on friday night. i could tell you that i am sick of studying or that the only reason im really online is hoping that he might come on (and that thats the only reason i've been on at all all weekend).
but you know what? none of that even matters. nothing i write here matters. and nobody is really interested in it. maybe its just a record...
a record of the small and insignificant things that happen in my life. things that nobody even cares about but me. and probably things that even i shouldnt care about sometimes...
but really, what does matter? do we as individuals even matter at all? what can one of us alone do? how much of an effect can one person have? and would the world really notice one person gone...? id like to think so... but im just not so sure...
