deep in denial-ville...

i used to close my eyes and pray that time would pass me by so i could fly away in my dreams to anywhere unreal and i'd hide away from everything. quietly and gracefully you move around the weight of the evidence. what a shame we all because such fragile broken things, a memory remains just a tiny spark. sweet silver bells all seem to say throw cares away cos christmas is here bringing a cheer to young and old. light of the world, shine down on bethlehem. i could stay awake just to hear you breathing, watch your smile while you are sleeping, while you're far away and dreaming. did you wake up on the right or the wrong side of the bed today? and when my life is over, remember when we were together, we were alone and i was singing my song for you. maybe you're falling so in love or your heart is about to break. i can be your sunshine girl or the company for your misery. all the things she said, all the things she said, running through my head. well she's not bleeding on the ballroom floor just for the attention cos that's just ridiculously odd. everyone's changing i stay the same. i try to play it cool acting like what you do don't phase me. in the dead of night i feel you there and i ask myself if you're really there. sometimes i need you more than i want to. tell me you love me. i just swear that i'll always be there. there must be something in the air, she said. watch your mouth because your speech is slurred enough that you just might swallow your tongue. she had an earthquake on her mind, i almost heard her cry out as i left her far behind and knew the world was crashing down around her. cos baby im not okay when you go im not fine please be all mine i never want you to go because i am all yours so please be all mine. does anyone know how i feel, sometimes im numb, sometimes im over come. do i have to wear my scars like a badge on my arm? i need release. soon its gonna be over soon. we're gonna wake up lost and find ourselves confused. there was a time when i thought i had you figured out. you remind me of a cigarette, you burn up slowly and then go out like that, you make my head hurt, you make my skin stink. i want more than just to try and love you. jekyll and hyde. seven years old you heard me cry. i dont want to say goodbye to the only man that i love. i dont think i can live without you. now i know you're breaking in two. with tears running down his face he says we're gonna make it, we're gonna make it. i've been there, i know how it feels to wonder if love is even real. its gonna be okay. another day all alone again. do you remember how we made it through the rain. can we just love again, kiss again i just want to be us again, just hold each other close again, make it to the very end, baby i will leave you never, i just wanna spend forever with you. i think im running out of tears. i see you smiling everyday, looking back at me like nothign ever changed. why am i here without you? if i could make heaven wait i'd find a way to ask god if he had made some mistake. when did you last let your heart decide? there is no need to throw your arms around me. we all lied for a moment. i wouldnt be the same without you. the little things you do to me are taking me over i want to show you everything inside me, like my nervous heart that is crazy beating. walking, stumbling on these shadow feet. im not the type to get my heart broken. i woke up today, woke up wide awake in an empty bed staring at an empty room. what do you see when you look at me cos i could have lived your life instead. i wanted you to know i love the way you laugh i want to hold you high and steal your pain away.
-45 days-