Wednesday, January 6, 2010

wont you save, save yourself, by leaving me now for someone else...

Things you don't know:

  • i cry everytime you leave me for it
  • it makes me feel insecure when my company is not as important to you as some fantasy world
  • i say things i dont mean in moments of disappointment or insecurities
  • One Tree Hill makes me cry sometimes... that's part of the reason i watch it. among other shows/movies that make me cry.
  • somehow crying over fake peoople's lives seems less pathetic than crying about my own...
  • i would rather be miserable than make you unhappy or than stop you from doing something you want to do.
  • some days i almost wonder whats more important. i know its stupid... but... never mind.
  • i still think that a lot of people's lives would be better, easier and more carefree if they'd never met me... yours especially.
  • maybe your lives would be better if i didnt even exist...
  • and more importantly than all of this, im sorry for this post and im sorry it will probably just get you more pissed off with me but... im sorry. its just... the way i feel i guess. and i should have just said it. but i didnt. cos hey, im a sucker for tears right? anything to hurt myself more.
  • maybe you should just leave me...


shootingatspiders said...

two main points from me here, even though this is obviously not about me.
1. are you ok?
2. Don't tell lies sweetie, even though this post isn't about me, I'm gonna stuff myself into the 'a lot of people' category.
Without you, I don't know where I'd be. If you weren't there when I was pacing in the XS car park all those times all those years ago, God knows what stupid thing I would have done.

If you hadn't kept me sane through my two relationships of varying degrees of interesting and their horrible breakups, I don't know what kind of a bitter, twisted, hateful little thing I'd be.

You are my best friend, ok? You always know what I'm talking about, you almost always know what to say even if thats 'aww sweetie that sucks' and in the times that that won't seem to work, you know a hug always helps. You understood that I missed the one no-one else missed, that others were glad to be rid of. You're brave with me, but sensible enough to keep my feet on the ground. You make me laugh up there with the best comedians, and even though you say silly things, I've never actually thought you were stupid. You organise me when no-one else can be bothered attempting the seemingly impossible. You know to tell me 10 minutes before I need to actually be somewhere so I'll be on time. Neither of us can dance and its hilarious. We can turn the worst situations into at least tolerable, we could talk on the phone for hours, even after we'd only just seen each other in person. You know how I like my coffee, and that i like it often. You know my secrets, you know my habits, you know my mind, you know my failings, you know my musings, you know my stories, you know my past, you know my face, you know my style, you know my heart, as well as I can communicate them, and more, 'cos you can read me like a book.

Without you, I'd be a lonely old forgetful crone, lost, regretful, bitter and angry, at the age of sixteen.

You're like a sister, you're my best friend.

I love you.

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