Friday, May 23, 2008

Life life at the moment... well its weird. and horrible and great and boring and exciting and evil all at once.
What i want more than anything right now is to "watch" a movie with a certain if you know me then you'll know exactly who. I'm sick of being without him. I just miss him so much...I was on work experience this week...and just standing around in the kitchen, listening to the girls talk about their boyfriends and i just stood there and washed dishes or rolled wraps and stuff and went "i miss branden..." well i mean not out loud or anything just in my head. i was like waaaa i need a man hug lol. Im just in this weird mood where i need a hug...but not just any hug i need a certain type of hug. i need a hug from either branden or kris or adam...and right now all of those are impossble.
So trying to decide whether i am in a good mood or a bad mood right now coz i really dont know. Im sitting here listening to one friend talk on and on about her boyfriend and how much it sucks to have not seen him for almost a week (sorry hon, try over a month and then you'll understand my life!), listening to another talk about all the "adorable" kids in her work experience class (I used to go to that school. Trust me I know what those kids are really like. They are being sweet to your face but in real life they are absolute bitches) and i have another friend ignoring me altogether and i have no idea what i did to get on her bad side. I wish stuff could all go back to the way it was...but then some things that have happened lately i am not ready to undo and i dont think i ever want to.
It took me forever to get over some stuff that has happened to me...IS happening to me...and i mean i dont know that id say im over it yet but hey im better i guess. i can sorta ignore things. i am heaps more resilient right now than i think i ever have been in my life. I mean these people still totally get to me but its weird i am so over being treated like shit all the time. I am just sort of starting to find a way to ignore it. i mean sure this is getting certain people more annoyed and angry and causing them to say worse things but i think i can get through it opposed to before when i didnt know how to get over it anymore. I just felt miserable. im through taking it all out on the people who mean the most to me and yet never did anything to hurt me. But most of those people i hurt more than i can say, so im sorry. If i ever hurt you in anyway...Im sorry.

XxxShadow GirlxxX


shootingatspiders said...

hey beautiful!
how did i not know you have a blog!
And why can I not follow it??
love you lots, cant wait to see you monday :D

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