Friday, May 21, 2010

withoutyoui'llbemiserableatbest...

Dear So and So...

I lied. And I don’t plan to *EVER* tell you the truth.

This is sorry for the last time.

I would run away with you, if you asked me to... You make me feel like I’m meaningful, and worth something. Please, let’s just run away...

I'm seventeen and I've had something like insomnia for a few years now. I think it's because everytime I close my eyes I think of death, and it scares me.

You've kinda become the biggest two-faced person ever...

I miss you

When you ask me what I wished for at 11.11 I lie.

I'm insecure and have low self-esteem. But I'm sure you realise this.

Sometimes I wonder if everything you are is a lie. But then maybe I'm a lie too...

You said you aren't going to change. You said you'll always be there for me. But I'm scared that you'll forget me. I'm proud of you, but I'm scared to lose you.

I hate myself for allowing myself to become fat, ugly and a failure. It only proves you were right. And that makes it all my fault.

You called me the 'therapist' of the group. I don't know if you realise it hurts that you expect me to be there for you when you've never been there for me.

When I think about the future, I can't really see myself getting old... I wonder if this means I'm going to die young.

I write journals, with all of my deepest thoughts and feelings... Part of me almost wishes my parents will find it so that they can see what they're doing to me.

I can tell, just by looking at you, when you've been talking about me.

I always prepare myself for the worst, so that I'm not disappointed when the best doesn't come my way.

The older I get, the more doubts and fears I have. I always thought it would be the opposite.

You made me this way...

I have suffered through things you wouldn't even realise. And yet I put a smile on my face as much as I can, and stay as strong as I can for the paople around me. I think the real me comes out when it's dark and quiet and i'm all alone. Or when you're there... That's about it.

All my life, I've never been as angry as i am at you.

I'm sure you don't realise.

I often worry that someday you will realise that I'm not worth it.

You and I belong in two seperate worlds. But i'm glad you want to be part of mine...

I can see beauty in everyone but myself... Sometmes I worry I'll never see what you see in me...

Sometimes I wish that posting something like this didn't worry me.

Sometimes I wish I could tell you what is in my head.

All I want is you...

2 comments:

shootingatspiders said...

Hi. So...I don't know what this post is about, but I want you to know something.

I saw on failbook that you liked one of the sixbillionsecret things about faking your own death to see who'd notice.

I just wanted you to know that I dreamt once that you were dead. Car-crash or something, I don't remember. But I woke up at three a.m. and cried til about half four. And I had already realised it was a dream, but it was incredibly devastating and overwhelming anyway.

I don't know if you noticed, but I'm pretty sure I hugged you extra hard that morning at school to make sure you were real.


Just thought you should know
<3gliTter

♥ Cinderella ♥ said...

I'm real.

That may not be a good thing.

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