i would give anything to be with him right now. to be able to just... hug him, cuddle up to him on a couch for a while... just be -with- him...

i'm a whiner. i'm a complainer. i know. the fact that im even posting this will annoy certain people because supposedly im possessive or demanding or something to that extent. but you know what? i dont think i even care anymore.

get mad at me for posting this. bitch and rant about me behind my back. i honestly do not give a fuck anymore.

i love him. i miss him. i want him. i need him.

and that is the way it is. im over apologising for it. im over feeling like i shouldnt miss him, and like i dont have the right to miss him or occassionally not be in the best mood for that reason (or others) got it?

if you have a problem with me, thats fine. but say it to my face. dont backstab me and hide behind charades of being my friend.

anyway, ive gotten completely off topic.

what i wanted to say is that i love him. that i miss him... and that seeing as today is our 2 yrs and 5 months anniversary i was randomly thinking about that... and realised we havent actually spent an anniversary together since our six months. i mean not that this one particularly matters. or really that any of them do... its just... i want to be with him. i want the chance to spend time with him. i dont want to be guilt tripped so often for feeling sad or miserable, or just for missing him. i dont want to be tild to get over it. because i wont. until i can be with him....

i love him...
-18 days-

I'm tired of trying to be strong.

And i'm tired of being fake.

To be completely honest, those of you who actually know me, have no idea just how broken i am. Of course, there is only so much i can hide. And so while you think you may be seeing everything, don't be fooled. I don't want to feel how i feel. But i do. I don't want this to hurt. But it does. I didn't want to hurt him. But i am.

And i don't want it to be this way, but it is.

And i'm tired. I'm so tired, in everyway i can be. I'm tired of being like this.

I want to go back to being me. But i can't.

Because half of me is missing.

If you find it...

Please, tell me how to get it back...

Even though i know where it is, and how to get it back... But that doesn't matter. Because it's impossible. So... if you have any suggestions.... feel free to let me know.

~sigh~ i want things back to how they were... ~cries~